Progressive Pioneer

Ten Reasons to Co-Sleep

We have some lovely friends who recently wrote about their experiences with co-sleeping, from both the mom's and dad's perspectives.  I thought it was so sweet and well-written that I asked if I could share it here with you all and they graciously agreed.  Thank you Ariel, Andrew and baby Abraham for sharing. 

1. More physical contact--As far as I'm concerned, the more I get to touch my baby the better. I'm sure there are tons of studies that would prove that it makes him smarter and keeps him from getting too fat and stuff like that, but I just miss him when he's not close. -Ariel

2. Keep close tabs on temperature, etc--When you have a new baby, it's nice to be close enough to monitor him all the time. On more than one occasion, I woke up just because I noticed Abe had a fever, and was able to make adjustments to cool him down before he even woke up. Likewise, I could put on an extra blanket if he was too cold. I have heard that when you control for alcohol and drug abuse, co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS (see here and here). It makes sense to me. -Ariel

3. Positive association with sleep and night time--In my opinion, learning to sleep well is a life-skill. Many children are afraid of the dark, and scream and cry when it's time to go to bed. I want to teach Abe that nighttime is not scary or sad, but rather is a time to be comfortable and rest. -Ariel

4. Teach not to cry--Being there for Abraham, in the same bed, has kept him from crying. He knows he can ask for things, with a "please" and he can usually have them. Co-sleeping has given him the opportunity to communicate his needs through hand signs, attempts at words, and even facial expressions before he ever makes it to crying. -Andrew

5. Stay asleep to feed--Self explanatory. It was a beautiful day when I learned to nurse lying down. -Ariel

6. Build trust-- Co-sleeping shows Abe, who is fresh to life here on earth, that our arms, like our Savior's, are stretched out in compassion. Throughout his life we will always be there for him, and his infant stage is no exception. He can depend on us. Babies are going through so much so quickly--physically, emotionally, and mentally--having two people they can count on all of the time, 24 hours a day, can only help in the transition to life here. -Andrew

7. Both of you sleep better-- This was especially the case for the first year of Abe's life. He would breathe more easily, and sleep lots longer when he was in our bed. And if baby's sleeping well, mom can too! -Ariel

8. That's what I would prefer if I were a baby-- Babies are people. Not only that, but they are the most important kind of person. If the Golden Rule applies anywhere, it applies to those who cannot help themselves. -Andrew

9. Keep Dad involved in the parenting-- I have been able to carry Abe and sing him to sleep, change midnight dipes, and take him out of the bedroom first thing in the morning so his Mommy can get more rest. In other words, I am involved in his life in ways and at times that I probably would not be if Ariel were always the one to go in and feed and take care of him at night, or if we left him to fight it out on his own. I'm so glad to be a part of it. -Andrew

10. Family beds are fun!--I loved waking up and seeing Abe sleeping sweetly. I loved even more Abe waking me up with a pat on the face and a big grin. Going to sleep is also a fun time to wind down as a family, laughing and playing a little. It's fun. -Andrew

Book Review: Three in a Bed

I can't even count how many times I've heard moms guiltily "confess" to letting their babies sleep with them as if it were some sort of crime.  But why fight something that feels so instinctive and that helps everyone sleep better?  When Sam was small it was so hard for me to sleep deeply at night, because even when he was sound asleep I was always waking up to listen for his tiny, steady breaths.  Once I brought him into bed next to me I could sleep more comfortably, but was still completely aware of him.  We would wake simultaneously and drift back to sleep together, sometimes with him still sleepily nursing.  He still sleeps next to me and I love being able to snuggle him at night, and at this point he doesn't really wake up to nurse during the night anymore.

Three in a Bed is a bit of a treat for a "retired" anthropologist like myself because the author gives all sorts of examples and stories of bed sharing from the world over.  Hearing that so many other cultures find it perfectly normal for a nursing baby to sleep next to his mother gave me much more confidence in the choice I made based on intuition.  If you're looking for validation, or even for a snappy come-back for people who question the practice, this is the place.  I expected to skim it like I do many parenting books, but I ended up reading it cover to cover and enjoying the writing style as much as the content.

 

image via

Plentiful Pillows

Sam, an avid nurser, has slept in our bed next to me for most of his first year.  We attempted the crib thing, but found it counter-intuitive and more of a hassle than simply letting him sleep curled up next to mom.  He still wakes once or twice a night to roll over for a midnight snack, but this is much less intrusive to me than walking into the next room, fully roused from my slumber to feed him while sitting up and wide awake.  And the extra snuggling time is well worth waking up to the occasional tiny foot slung across my face. 
However, at some point he will need to, and will want to, transition to his own bed.  He's already been establishing his own space in our bed.  So, we got him a twin mattress and put it on the floor of his room with some blankets and plenty of pillows.  When I was a kid it seemed we never had enough pillows.  Whenever I had a friend stay the night we'd always raid my brother's bed or take a throw pillow off the couch and put it in a pillow case.  I somehow equated plentiful pillows with wealth and luxury.  We may not have either of the latter, but I've made sure there are always pillows to spare. 
And so, Sam now takes his naps in his own baby bear bed and often starts out the night there, crawling in to our bed in the next room some time during the night and generally waking up there.  Our mattress has also been temporarily moved to the floor to accommodate his rudimentary locomotive skills.  It's not stylish, but it works for us.

I've had this quilt since college.  Someone left it at a swim meet where I was lifeguarding.  I've always wondered about the story behind the hand sewn stitches.

Natural Living for LDS Moms CONFERENCE!

I am so over the moon about this conference!  Of course LDS moms should be at the forefront of natural family living!  It's so exciting to see a convergence of these two worlds.  The conference is all day this Saturday, the 25th, which also happens to be my birthday; what a lovely gift!  Some of the topics will be about nurturing ourselves as mothers, gardening with little children, healing tips and tricks for moms, Christ-centered birth, attachment parenting and the connection between diet and health.  I will definitely be there the whole day.  It's being organized by Celestia Shumway who is also putting the finishing touches on her book about mothering and the tree of life.  You can go for part of the conference or even pick and choose which lecturers you'd like to hear. 
 

Co-Sleepers

Mothering magazine asked for pictures of families co-sleeping awhile back. And Sam and I made the cut! I've been so thrilled with the ease of co-sleeping; the fact that I get way more sleep when I don't have to actually get out of bed several times a night when he calls for me, the sweet snuggles, and the calm, confident nature that he seems to have developed, in part, I think, due to the security he feels from sleeping close to us.  It's tiny, I know. That's us in the upper left corner. Here it is blown up: