I've been writing this post for awhile, in my head, at least. I've known from the beginning of the blog that it would have its season and then come to an end; most things are like that. I certainly wasn't anticipating being a blogging granny or anything:) But with my mom in town this spring it just became really clear that the time to move away from the blog is now. Mom's are so great at shedding light on what is true and gently steering you toward it. It wasn't so much what my mom said, but rather how I remembered what sort of a mother she was (and is!), how much she sacrificed and devoted to my brother and I. The thing is, I love connecting with so many amazing people, and I love the emails I get from people saying that the blog has made a difference to them. My favorite was a woman who decided not to go back to work after her second baby because she and her husband were finally in a financial position to do so. Just that one mom's decision would have made the whole endeavor worth it to me. But now I have to think about my own babies. I've tried to blog only at night or during naps, but of course, that means I'm not doing other things (like cleaning! I always find an excuse not to do that...) and that often, when I'm with them in body, I'm creatively drained from pouring so much into this project. And I want to give the best of myself to them!
It's a funny thing about blogging, often only the pretty, the orderly, the sweet, the inspiring gets posted, and readers may begin to feel that that this blogger has somehow figured it all out; they're a master at time-management, they always seem to discipline their kids with love, dinner is always healthy and on the table with fresh flowers and handmade placemats etc. etc. Well, let me tell you, in the past year I have eaten fast food, shopped at Walmart, yelled at my kids, slept in sheets that Viv peed on and ignored Mt. Everests of laundry, blogged (not during nap time) instead of spending time with my kids, thrown recyclables in the garbage because I was feeling lazy, gone to bed angry with my husband when I should have apologized, and forgotten to bring my handmade, cloth grocery bags to the store more times than I can remember! There is sometimes a dark underbelly to blogging where the pretty posts come at the expense of real life lived. I think that perhaps some people just manage it better than I do. But, the truth is, I need all the energy, love, and creativity I can muster to be the very best mom and wife I can be to my beautiful children and husband. You know that I believe there is no job in the world more important, more rewarding, more difficult, or more crucial to the health of our world and the happiness of individuals than that of mothering. I actually have a lot to share on the subject and for a long time have wanted to write a book. That's another reason you won't find me in this space anymore. At night, when the kids have gone to bed and Clay and I are curled up on the couch reading, I'll be researching the topic of motherhood with notebook and pencil in hand. The book is already begun and I plan on letting it take as long as it needs to, no computer (until the very last draft), no taking myself away from the kids (that would rather be missing the point, wouldn't it?) just working on it quietly in the evenings more as a personal exercise than anything. I hope that at some point I have something to share, because there's no subject I feel more strongly about. If so, I will definitely announce it here. If not, I hope I will be all the better for having spent so many evenings pondering the signifigance of motherhood.
I plan to leave the blog up, all the archives will still be available. And I'll still be around; I'm a social creature and I would miss you all too much to just drop off the face of the earth! I hope you'll keep in touch. Friend me on facebook or become a fan of the blog's page (new posts automatically post to my personal wall and anything else blog related I'll post on the Progressive Pioneer wall). If you're a twitterer (I'm not really, but I have an account and new posts automatically post there as well) you can find me @ProPioneer, and if you have a feed reader, make sure you're subscribed. That should about cover it:) I'll post important things like new babies, moves to the country (and a call for neighbors!), books published(!) and anything else I just can't keep to myself:)
Thanks so much for reading these past few years. I've learned so much and made some wonderful friends; what a great adventure it's been! Thank you SO MUCH for your support, advice and for the stories and thoughts you've shared. Please keep in touch!