MamaViews: Stefani from Blue Yonder

I can't remember whose blog I came across first, Stefani's or Eren's, but one led me to the other via their wonderful photography project.  In their words, "With six young men between them and a combined six images each week, two women capture a year of motherhood in photographs."  Today you'll get to read Stefani's words and see some of her lovely photos.  Then next week it's Eren's turn!

With a house full of boys, homeschooling, crafting, illustrating, picture-taking, gardening etc. etc, there's just no way you can get it all done!  I know I can't:)  But when you look back at the end of a day, what enables you to say, "this has been a good day?"

Oh goodness! You've managed to speak to one of my biggest struggles. There's a lot going on at our house for sure and you're right, at the end of each day things have almost never gone as planned. If we've had a wonderful day of learning, the house has suffered. If I've spent lots of time creating I may feel that I've not connected with my boys as fully as I would have liked. My to-do lists always seem to begin with stuff that has been carried over from the day before, or maybe even the day before that one. And the way I see it, this is not real likely to change anytime soon.  So the element that has needed to change is me. I have had to learn to let go of perfection. I have had to learn to find beauty and sweetness where I can, save up those moments, and let the rest go. 

If at the end of the day I have read to my boys, if we have laughed, if I have cleared the counter, if I have made something new, if I have seen the light of learning go on in the mind of one of my sons... well then it has been a day well spent. 

When my boys go to bed at night you can find me at the computer blogging, or maybe adding notes about the day's work to the boys' school portfolios. I might be painting or drawing, or looking through the photos that I've taken through the day. All of those things, in one way or another are the same thing. All of those things allow me to revisit the day and glean through it to pull out the best bits, celebrate them and save them for later. In this way, I end every day focused on not what didn't get done, but what DID.

What advice would you give to parents considering homeschooling, but unsure about where to start or overwhelmed at the idea?  In a nutshell, what makes it worth doing, for you?

Time. For us, homeschooling is all about taking back our time. We get such a limited amount of time to help our young men find their path, to soak them up and build lasting memories. So we just couldn't get our heads around letting go of so much of that time when they started school. When we first began homeschooling my husband's job took him away from us a lot. He travelled internationally at least twice a month for a week at a time. So I was already very conscious of trying to minimize busyness and make the most of our time together when he was home. We felt like homeschooling would be  a way to make sure that when he was home, THEY were home. As they got bigger we felt that homeschooling would allow us to travel with him. 

We also chose homeschooling because we wanted to ensure that our boys had time to be kids, to pursue their interests and to grow their bonds as brothers. Learning at home means that our time is freed up to spend more than the alloted time studying something that really captures our imaginations. It means that we can slow down and revisit a concept that one of our guys struggles with. It means that we have time for fiddle lessons and karate classes without feeling like those things are getting in the way of family time. And I see, everyday, what it means for the sibling relationships in our home. They have had to learn to problem solve together, to be patient while I work with one brother, to build each other up and encourage one another, to lead and learn from each other. They have to work together toward a common goal, every single day.  We believe that they are creating a shared experience and a collaborative relationship that will carry on into their adult lives. 

One of the unexpected benefits of homeschooling has been that Papa and I get the chance to revist, relearn and do a lot of things that we might not have otherwise done. We're trying foods from countries that we're studying, visiting our local entomology society chapter, making paper mache egyptian burial masks. We're having a lot of fun and really enjoying learning all over again!

As for what I would tell someone considering homeschooling, first, talk to as many homeschoolers as you can. You will learn more from just listening to a real live homeschooler than you ever will by reading books or the internet. Take them out for coffee and listen. Ask all your questions! Chances are they are craving some adult interaction and will be more than willing to talk your ear straight off! If you listen long enough you're bound to hear lots of different takes on how school gets done, because there are as many methods of home education as there are families doing it. Over time you'll hear some bits and pieces that sound right for your family. You are also very likely to hear one overriding theme.... how important it is to be flexible. Anyone who has been homeschooling for any length of time has probably had to change their plans any number of times. Family dynamics change, children's needs change, and sometimes what you thought would be "just the thing" turns out not to work as you had imagined it would. So take it slowly. Don't run out and buy a thousand dollars worth of supplies and curriculum. Talk to homeschoolers, do some research, visit the library with your young ones and really pay attention to how they learn, and then slowly build your schoolhouse, one brick at a time. There's no rush. 

It seems at times like being a mama can eclipse our before-mama selves, who we were before (and still are!!) can get lost.  How do you keep your core self alive while still going strong as Mom?

Oh my. I look back on photos of my pre-child self and hardly recognize that girl! It can be so easy to feel lost sometimes, but on the other hand, my children have taught me so much about who I am, at the core. I think I know myself better now than I ever did before I had these little people in my life. That said, I feel, especially as a homeschooler and the sole female in the house, that it is so important for me to carve out some spaces that are all mine. That's important for me, and I think it's important for the boys too. It's necessary for them, I think, to see me as a real human with real needs, talents and interests. 

So each morning I walk around the block with my dog. It doesn't take more than 15 minutes, but those minutes make all the difference. A warm drink, a bit of NPR Morning Edition, some fresh air and a glimpse of the natural world... all those things add up to starting the day feeling like ME. When I get home I feel ready to give and to serve.

Beyond that, I try to surround myself with ways to keep my mind and spirit engaged.  I keep a sketch book close at hand and jot notes and little doodles down throughout the day. I always have a stack of books on the end table for those few minutes when everyone is occupied and I can grab a little reading time. On my desk there are folders stuffed with clippings of new recipes and crafts to try, above it there is a bulletin board full of images that are sparking new ideas for me.  In this way, if ever a little bit of time presents itself, I'm surrounded by ways to feel inspired and reminded of the passions that are at my core.

I also really try to be sure that I'm always learning, both as an example for my sons, and as a way of staying connected to my self. While the boys are working on their studies I might be reading up on the history of clock-making or trying to teach myself to knit (at which I had a wonderful time but failed miserably), experimenting with new art mediums, or learning a new software program. It is really important to me to create a home in which learning pursuits are not things meant only for children. 

To me you seem like a progressive pioneer; do you think so too?  In what way?

I absolutely love this phrase that you've coined, Amy. I'm so glad there's a name for it! When I was in college I lived with my parents. I had no home of my own, but even then I was gathering up vintage kitchenware at thrift stores and reading books like "The Complete Guide to Country Living." I completely baffled my forward thinking parents and college friends!

I think I've just always been drawn to a life less complicated. I believe that 4 channels are better than 400 (though I would very much like the Food Network to be one of those 4!) Homemade bread is better than store bought... it's a lot more work, but you can't beat the smell and the taste. Opening a jar of jam is so much better when it brings to mind memories of the time you spent picking those berries and filling those jars. A gift made with your own two hands is far and away better than anything, ANYTHING that you could find on a shelf. 

There are plenty of times when I wonder if I'm wrecking my boys or missing out on something. We eat differently, school differently, celebrate differently, live differently than almost all of our neighbors and friends, and that can be hard and make you question yourself. But in the end, when I really think about it, I know that I would not trade it for all the world. I'm walking the path that was meant for me and for my family. 

What are some of your family's very favorite books?  

Oh gracious. That's a bit like asking me which is my favorite child. Books are a BIG part of our home life. We have gobs of them, far more than our bookshelves can accommodate. We always have at least two read alouds going. We read at breakfast. We read at lunch. We read before bedtime. Reading, for us, is like eating. 

So to pick a favorite.... well, I will try. 

For the boys, I would have to say anything by Roald Dahl. We have been steadily reading our way through his body of work, and the boys have been completely enchanted with all of his tales. The Witches, Danny the Champion of the World, The Twits, The BFG, George's Marvelous Medicine... all are irreverent, unexpected and action packed. You could not ask for better boy stories. 

My guys have also loved The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, The Trumpet of the Swan (full color), and all the Henry Huggins and Ralph Mouse books by Beverly Cleary. For picture books, we love so many... Virgina Lee Burton's or Robert McCloskey's tales,  Harold and the Purple Crayon, and the Boy and Frog series by Mercer Mayer are some of our very favorites. Also the Golden Guide field guides and the Ed Emberly drawing books are in constant use at our house. 

As for me, I've been revisiting old favorites. Jane Eyre , Wuthering Heights , My Antonia , LM Montgomery's lesser known Emily series and the All Creatures Great and Small books have all made their way onto my night stand in recent months. Honestly though, my most recent book passions have little to do with the stories. I've gone a bit nuts over mid-century children's illustrations. I've cleared off some valuable shelf space right near my desk for the likes of M. Sasek, Marc Simont, Leonard Weisgard, and Janet LaSalle to name a very few. 

So needless to say, we're a little bit in love with books!

Again, thank you so much for inviting me to stop and chat a while with you and your readers, Amy. It is always a pleasure to spend some time with like-minded mamas!

Well, thanks so much for visiting and sharing, Stefani!  Keep in touch!